Man. I need new glasses.

That goes on The Shortest List, along with fixing the eye-watering gas oven fritz. Rest in peace, you sad pair of gimped up glasses. Now you just match the rest on the pile.

You've been stepped on, kicked, dropped, but finally you snapped under the pressure of me, I guess. Not to make you feel any worse, but now you've made me feel fat and clumsy on top of it all. It all started so innocently. I guess I should've never done those crosswords right before bedtime. That I did not see coming. That and drawing indiscriminately all over my arms and sheets with a pen that night, too.

"Oh, Ambien, I can't stay mad at you."

Now all I have left is the granny-specs missing those cushiony nose things that you take for granted until they are gone. Then it makes you wonder how people lived without plastic. How people used to only have things made from wood, like sets of wooden teeth. Like how I should really be working in a factory right now, like on a production line, with a conveyor belt, maybe working at a candy factory or something like that. I wonder if they have a vision plan that would cover the cost of new glasses...

I can't see crap without squinting like I live on the surface of Mercury now, but you can't win them all. But if nothing else, I can roll away from this knowing that at least I have the confidence to do crossword puzzles with pens and not pencils.

I'm getting good at this.

Not the "posting regularly" part, but the "making platelets" gig.

Why do I have to explain my jokes? I blame Cyclosporine -- not only for the gorilla arms and the cookie-duster but also for the flatness. Or redundancy. Or over-explanation? Or total awareness of my over-explanation and the inability to edit myself any better than I ever did...?

See? Who Cares and What's New...

Anyway, the best excuse yet for not posting more: there's not much but consistency to report.

Good!

I just go in for check-ups every three weeks for now. Between doctor's visits, I've been making and stock-piling even more beaded, sculpted things to sell online eventually, already selling books for divinely-donated-platelets money. Or even better, for fun.


Except for the daily, earth-shattering fact taken for granted that I am making all of my own Trinity (white blood cells, red blood cells, and most important platelets), there's nothing more serious to report except the persistent anemia.

Well, that, and my eye-watering gas oven won't light up for some reason, and the drains in the bathroom have gotten just clogged enough to be really irritating. But other than that, there's nothing but literal and figurative blue skies.

Today's doctor's appointment still showed that I have a lower red blood cell count than normal which is okay as long as I am still making platelets. Which by the grace of God and Cyclosporine, I am. My platelet counts are steady and growing slowly (which is good) at 186k.

My long-term goal is to get back to 315k, but that's just to show off.

For now, my new experimentations will be turning toward increasing the absorption of my iron. So if you know anything about that subject, I'd love to hear what you've got. Currently I take 325mg three times a day and added Calcium Citrate. Apparently, taking calcium supplements along with iron supposedly helps you absorb more iron. I've also read that white wine increases the absorption of iron. Good enough for me!

Also, my B12 levels were low. Bumping that level up just might help to sped away this on-going anemia. Even though I've never had the pleasure of taking a Hawaiian vacation, my mom says that's what a shot of B12 feel like. And just one shot into it, I do feel better but just a little ripped off without the sandy, warm beaches of Maui.

Next appointment is Tuesday, July 3rd.

Until then, I will update more, but hopefully it won't be anything more than, "Crud. I just broke my last pair of decent glasses." Which I did the other week already.

Still haven't gotten that follow-up bone-marrow aspiration corkscrewed out of my buttbone yet, but I'm not going to think about that until it happens. I'm off to buy those sparklers and firecrackers for the Fourth. It's going to be a good one.

"Poof," and she disappeared into a wisp of smoke...

And I mean "poof" in the magical way, and no other.

How've I been? No, no. Really, the question is: How've you been instead? I seriously want to know. For one thing, I care. (Thank you for reading all my bappity-bap.) And another thing, I'm tired of thinking about all my stuff, all the time. Not complaining, just squinting up at the sun, drying out on the beach I've washed up on, shaking the wet sand from my unmentionables. Or is it unspeakables?

Aplastic anemia or any other illness is not for the faint of heart, is it?

The only catchy line from "Steel Magnolias" besides "My signature colors are 'Blush' and 'Bashful'," is "That which does not kill you makes you stronger." I think I can say, with room for growth, I could bench-press a lead-covered gorilla right now. More likely, I could levitate him using only my brain.

Last doctor's visit, I had 180k platelets. In other words, "yippee!" Blushing, I made them myself. Whew. So that was about 6 weeks ago. Then 3 weeks later , I held my own and still had 181k. My mom nodded with the doctor, agreeing that 181 was a good number, seems the platelet-production is beginning to plateau. I need more red blood cells though, but I think I can manage that. So as far as I'm concerned, my platelets are working again, my white cells are good, too, so that's good enough for me.

Thank you, God, thank you, Dr. Files, thank you, PICC Line, thank you, University Medical Center Cancer Clinics, thank you, blood donors, thank you, good friends who've had to listen to my ills and complaints, and to those really good friends who suggest prescription medication changes, and thank you, "better living through chemistry" and research. What do I say? "Kiss a scientist today."

Oh yes, and big thanks to my Mom, for simultaneously saving my life and not killing me.

This roadtrip, sponsored by Evian water.

Scary. I look up and a month is gone, amusing and amazing myself for days at a time. But I get stuff done. No, really. Working on that 10 Year Old Personal To Do List. Actually, for all the outdoor-time, I do have a really good t-shirt/arm tan to show it. At least on one arm from driving back and forth to Memphis and Jackson in the past weeks, have been without a good internet connection in there, and all those good intentions.

I've spent a lot of time trying to get back to normal which isn't as easy as it looks, ever, is it? But I can tell ya but, I have been running while I have my motivation back. Plus, I figured I needed to get out of my poor mother's hair, even though I do like having pillow fights with her. And I do like threatening to break her arm in three places if she doesn't stop it. She laughs at me for suggesting it, but has this look in her eyes as if I just issued her a physical challenge.

Let's see, what day is it...June 6th? I go back to the doctor on June 12th. The only thing they found that was beginning to go abnormal was my kidney function. This is just a side effect of cyclosporine, hopefully. But just to be sure, my morning dosage was reduced (goodbye, bearded lady career dreams!), and I was ordered to drink an ocean-full of plain water. Have I mentioned I hate plain water? But, I am sure I'd hate dialysis even more, so cheers!

Water is good with lime. Squint at it, and it almost looks fashionable.


Well, I have crossed a lot of major stuff off The (Never-Ending) List:

- spray for ants (not easy, people, they are crafty)
- wax the car (hey, it had to happen)
- excavate/box-up good clothes for donation
- drink water
- declutter, then declutter even more
- call for storage unit prices
- procrastinate in calling for storage unit prices
- sell books and other delightful media
- make stuff
- finish something I put off for, oh, ever
- drink more water
- get the yard spiffed up and weed-free (still working on that)
- declutter even more
- drink more water
- take many baths (but don't drink the water)
- clean and wax (yes, wax) the faux-marble bathroom sinks, tubs and shower
- despite the cottonwood blooming for the fifth time this season, walk
- get together portfolio for freelance projects
- learn GoLive
- finish web site
- do scribbles and scributes
- update blogs
- watched Johnny Depp in "Pirates" movie*
- drink more water
- bathroom break...

It just goes on and on like this, every day, every week. Again, who's complaining? Not me. Because I realized that I don't feel like getting back to the normal I had before I got sick. That was not my kind of normal. Working on my own dreams and visions of those I respect and work with is harder to come by and harder to get cranked up, but more worth it and more normal to me. So, wish me luck and platelets. I wish you the same, which is, in fact a very good sentiment to wish someone.

Next doctor's appointment: June 12th
I predict the platelets will be hovering around 180k still.
Might get a bone marrow corkscrewed out of my buttbone. In a way, I hope so, to get it over with!
Will see if my iron-enriched food selections have paid-off some of my anemia debts.

Been feeling winded, heart-poundy, headachey, flakey-like-a-pastry, but that could just be those dang cottonwood allergies...

I know, I know...I really should move from Memphis. Ok. Anyone want to buy a really cute cottage-style house complete with roses and gardenias, just down from the River's edge? More details to come, if so.

Also, anyone know of a place where I live/write/sculpt/make beady things where the weather never gets anywhere near 90 degrees F, plus there is no cottonwood? Next to water would be nice, but please email me with ideas!



*me: "I saw the new Johnny Depp movie last night."
mom: "Did ya like it?"
me: "Like it? Who cares? I could watch him draw in the dirt with a stick for three hours."
mom: "I could watch him read the phone book for two."